I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
