i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
