i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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