Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
