No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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