i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
