What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Terrible idea I love it
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
