i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
