sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
