Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
