I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
