Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
