I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
