he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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