..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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