In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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