She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Randomize
