I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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