she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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