Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
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