Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My boob is missing a layer of skin
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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