Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
When are your genitals available?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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