is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm going to jail i love you
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm getting married
To pizza
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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