So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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