I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
please come you make the beer taste better
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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