I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
