The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
