And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Fuck appropriateness.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
