just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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