What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
