is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
