You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
