I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
