so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
