I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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