I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
