I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
