it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
