Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
