Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
