the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
