I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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