I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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