i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
