You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
this hospital has no fireball
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
