Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
