If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
