i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
