I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
