I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
