your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
