I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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