Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
