I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
