Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
