just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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