dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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