You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
