He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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