areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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