If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
