You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
