i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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