i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
