So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
