My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm too high and old for this...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
