I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
