Cold hands, warm shart.
Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
