That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
