and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
