Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
