my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
