Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
operation harelip BJ is a go
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
