I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
