Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
