i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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