I wannas sexs uuuuu
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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