so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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