allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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