You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
