eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
