She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
