Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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