he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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