i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
