the condom got lost in my hair
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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