I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize