i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
