rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
