Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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