now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
