you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
