Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
