so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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