it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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