i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
