dude i'm inner monologue high
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
