I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize