Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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