My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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