she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
