I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize
