at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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