I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I need to sanitize my soul.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
