my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
