OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
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