Me. At least after what I've been through.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I AM VODKA MAN
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
